What Do You Do?

What do you do when the darkness takes over?

When you realise trust is like a four leafed clover?

With no one to turn to in your darkest days,

And life just seems like a constant maze.

What do you do when there's no way out?

And all you want to do is scream and shout?

Surrounded by friends, but you forget their names,

Because all you can feel is hatred and shame.

What do you do when people tell you to smile?

But they don't see you dying inside all the while,

They laugh. They joke. They really do try,

But you still go to bed at night and cry.

What do you do when you can no longer fight?

When there's just darkness and no light?

There's nothing in the tunnel but the dark,

Life really does leave it's ugly mark.

What do you when no one will listen?

When the tears that stream start to glisten?

They say they care, they say they'll try,

But you know it's all just a lie.

What do you do when everything aches?

When you know how small a ripple it would make?

The razor blade cold against your skin,

The first little cut will let it begin,

Watching the blood ooze and thinking, not again.

Surely one day, it'll all be worth the pain,

How can an entire life have no gain?

You know you're loved, you know they care,

But in your darkest days, when your heart begins to tear,

It's then that you need someone to hold, someone to share,

All the bad things that you hold inside,

Afraid to let them out, to risk the ride,

The sea of life, changing as easy as the tide.

It's not that you want to die,

It's just that you can't continue to fight,

No matter how much you try,

There's no good left in sight.

What do you feel?

What do you think?

What do you do?

Brand New...

I am happy to announce that you can now check me out on Facebook! Just search for Ramblings of a Mad Hatter! I look forward to seeing you there!

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I'm not thin enough,
I wouldn't even say I'm pretty as such,
I'm just a mess and not even tall,
In fact there's no beauty to see at all...

I'm sorry for all the times that I'd cry,
And you'd do nothing but try,
To make me laugh or even smile,
If only for a little while...

I'm sorry that I'm not very smart,
And that I take everything to heart,
I'm just a very sensitive soul,
With plenty of failures but not a goal...

I'm sorry for all the hurtful things I've done,
And simply for not being much fun,
The voices I hear have helped me to see,
The truth that the problem is me...

I'm sorry that it has come to this,
But my whole life I've felt something has been amiss,
You'll agree that it is for the best,
At least in the end, like all the rest...

I'm sorry but the pain is just too much,
You see I'm just not strong enough,
I'm sorry but I know you'll see,
I just need to be free...

I'm sorry my amazing friends,
I just cannot continue to pretend,
That all is fine and all is good,
The way I know that I should...

I'm sorry to my beautiful Mother,
That I have chosen this path and not another,
I hope you understand in time,
That the blame is entirely mine...


I'm sorry to everyone that I love,
And even to those who couldn't give a stuff,
But what else could I do?
When I'm so alone and without a clue...

Life...

Life is a rollercoaster. 

Life is like a box of chocolates. 

Life is a bitch and then you die. 

Life is what you make it. 

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. 

There are so many different quotes you can use to describe this existence we call life. 

When you're a child, no one can tell you what your life is going to be like. The challenges you will face. The loves you will find. The heartbreaks you will endure. The friends you will make along the way. The enemies who turn up in the unlikeliest of places. The eventual pain you will feel. 

Everyone always says life is short so you have to live every day as if it's your last. That the pain and challenges you face are what make you stronger. That life is what you ultimately make of it. That you choose the direction in which your life goes. 

But what if that's not true? What if all the challenges and pain and heartbreak, the love and happiness and achievements are merely preparing you for the next one?

I'm not a religious person; honestly I have no idea if there is a higher being watching us all. I believe in several aspects from several religions. 

I do, however, believe we live several lives and that once we die; we are reborn as a different person. I have no evidence to support this but let's face it - between living another life or rotting in the ground, I'd rather believe in the former. 

Of course we are very unlikely to ever know what lies beyond death. Maybe we do just rot in the ground. Maybe we are reborn and our actions in this life affect our next one. Maybe we don't die but get abducted by little green men. I have no idea. 

Happier Times

When the world is full of pain,
I find myself wanting to dance in the rain,
Remembering the sunshine,
And the whole world could be mine.

Surrounded by friends as we laugh and shout,
Not hearing the voices that continue to shout out,
The more I seem to drink,
The less time I have to think.

Jumping in puddles like a child,
When my mood swings are fairly mild,
Living life to the full,
Back to the girl that's always cheerful.

Pain and Anger...

That moment when all you feel is pain,
And there's nothing left to gain,
All the pain and anger from inside,
And all you want to do is run and hide,


The pain and anger that threatens to reveal itself,
The friends you force upon a shelf,
Push them away, make them hate you,
So they don't see the real you,


 The loneliness that follows you around,
Suffocating you without a sound,
The pain and anger consumes you whole,
Until you're left without a soul,


The temptation that grows and grows,
When you hit an all time low,
The more you hide it, the more you cry,
Surely it would be kinder to just let me die...

Three Long Years...

Three long years since that awful day,
The pain I felt as you walked away,
The tears that fell with you unaware,
Back when I believed you did truly care.

Three long years since we last spoke,
The evening when my heart was broke,
They say it takes time to heal,
Something I know isn't real.

Three long years but you've moved on,
Forgotten all about me for so long,
I still wake up with you on my mind,
If only my feelings I could bind.

Three long years with no hope in sight,
Just useless wishing I could make it right,
I lost everything that fatal day,
Now I'd do anything to take this pain away.

Three long years yet the tears still come,
All the times that you told me I was dumb,
Pathetic and stupid, just a sad loser,
My friends knew you were just a user.

Three long years since I broke apart,
Now no one will ever get my heart,
I cannot trust, I cannot love,
Only to you that I still hold above.

Three long years and I'm still a mess,
Wondering if it'll be the same on the next,
Torturing myself for the things I did wrong,
Pretending to be okay, pretending to be strong.

It's been three long and lonely years,
My family and friends have wiped away my tears,
They've helped to rebuild me,
Just so you couldn't see,
The little broken girl that you left in the street,
Instead of the girl who used to be sweet,
The girl who now isolates herself from her friends,
Until she has to accept she's not okay in the end.

It's been three long and hard years,
By myself, just me and my fears,
The song we played together brings back,
All the good memories we had but now we lack,
I still cannot see the bad,
Just the perfect guy that I once had,
My family watch me as I laugh and smile,
Knowing it will only be for a while.

Its been a long and surprising time,
Never set free from my crime,
The day you left me all alone,
If only you could see the girl that has grown,
Out of the pain, out of the hate,
Except now its too late,
Even now, the pain gets too much to bear,
If only you'd find it in your heart to care.